Fading ... why???
Supposed to.
What usually happens to things that are 'supposed to' happen? They don't. The weekend is a distant memory. Almost a figment of my imagination. I wonder if it all really happened. If it was real. Now I am wondering what I have done wrong. I have tried to seek out prayer partners. 1-2 to be in a small group - even temporarily. I don't feel like I am asking too much, but obviously I am.
I can sense myself fading. Retreating back into my isolation. Finding it easier to avoid people. I don't like the holidays. If I could slip into a deep sleep from November 1 to January 31, I gladly would. God didn't intend us to be alone, but there are many times that I wonder about that.
I am tired of depression. Tired of faking it 'til you make it. Tired of being told to be patient. Tired of people who act like a friend one day yet won't even make eye contact the next. Tired of not sleeping.
Something I am going to do for the month of November is NaNoWriMo - national novel writing month. Essentially - the goal is to write a 50,000 word novel during the month of November. 1667 words per day. (quantity not quality) I am planning on writing out my journey - in detail. Will anyone get to read it? I don't know. Would anyone want to read it? I doubt it. Will God use this opportunity to help me gain some perspective? I pray he does. Please pray too.
Labels: ramblings