Monday, January 10, 2011

Guilt

Definition of Guilt: the fact of having committed a breach of conduct especially violating law and involving a penalty; broadly; the state of one who has committed an offense especially consciouslyb : feelings of culpability especially for imagined offenses or from a sense of inadequacy : self-reproach; a feeling of culpability for offenses; feelings of culpability especially for imagined offenses or from asense of inadequacy; morbid self-reproach often manifest inmarked preoccupation with the moral correctness of one's behavior responses originating in inner guilt and uncertainty

Definition of Guilty:  Responsible for a reprehensible act; culpable; Law Found to have violated a criminal law by a jury or judge; Deserving blame, as for an error: guilty of misjudgment; Suffering from or prompted by a sense of guilt: a guilty conscience; Suggesting or entailing guilt

I will admit that I am very hard on myself. I am constantly fighting guilt for things most would likely say I don't need to fight. Some of things that swirl in my mind ... not spending enough time with my kids, not homeschooling my kids, not preventing my son's death, not having a grasp on our budget, not being there for friends, being too needy, not accepting help from others, not being a good enough wife, not keeping a clean house, not eating healthy enough, not taking medication like I should, not being a good speech therapist, not working enough, ... I could go on and on and on. 

Then this morning, as I was leaving church someone innocently asked me how the work on the church library was going. BAM! A huge boulder of guilt was dropped onto my head.  I agreed to completely redo the library and made tons of improvements, but it all came to a screeching halt and I just can't find the energy or desire to finish it. 

Typical - I say I will do something and then fail to complete it. fail to follow through. fail. Just another example that I am a failure. And oh so guilty of of it. 

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Speak gently. carefully. thoughtfully. graciously. humbly.

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