Guilt

Definition of Guilt: the fact of having committed a breach of conduct especially violating law and involving a penalty; broadly; the state of one who has committed an offense especially consciouslyb : feelings of culpability especially for imagined offenses or from a sense of inadequacy : self-reproach; a feeling of culpability for offenses; feelings of culpability especially for imagined offenses or from asense of inadequacy; morbid self-reproach often manifest inmarked preoccupation with the moral correctness of one's behavior responses originating in inner guilt and uncertainty

Definition of Guilty:  Responsible for a reprehensible act; culpable; Law Found to have violated a criminal law by a jury or judge; Deserving blame, as for an error: guilty of misjudgment; Suffering from or prompted by a sense of guilt: a guilty conscience; Suggesting or entailing guilt

I will admit that I am very hard on myself. I am constantly fighting guilt for things most would likely say I don't need to fight. Some of things that swirl in my mind ... not spending enough time with my kids, not homeschooling my kids, not preventing my son's death, not having a grasp on our budget, not being there for friends, being too needy, not accepting help from others, not being a good enough wife, not keeping a clean house, not eating healthy enough, not taking medication like I should, not being a good speech therapist, not working enough, ... I could go on and on and on. 

Then this morning, as I was leaving church someone innocently asked me how the work on the church library was going. BAM! A huge boulder of guilt was dropped onto my head.  I agreed to completely redo the library and made tons of improvements, but it all came to a screeching halt and I just can't find the energy or desire to finish it. 

Typical - I say I will do something and then fail to complete it. fail to follow through. fail. Just another example that I am a failure. And oh so guilty of of it. 

Strength vs Courage part 2

It takes strength to be firm.

It takes courage to be gentle.

It takes strength to stand guard.

It takes courage to let down your guard.

It takes strength to conquer

It takes courage to surrender.

It takes strength to be certain.

It takes courage to have doubt.

It takes strength to fit in.

It takes courage to stand out.

It takes strength to feel a friend’s pain.

It takes courage to feel your own pain.

It takes strength to hide feelings.

It takes courage to show them.

It takes strength to endure abuse.

It takes courage to stop it.

It takes strength to stand alone.

It takes courage to lean on another.

It takes strength to love.

It takes courage to be loved.

It takes strength to survive.

It takes courage to live.

(author unknown)

Strength vs Courage

I have been pondering this the past few days.  What is the difference between strength and courage?  In Joshua 1:9 God tells us, "have I not commanded/ordered you? Be strong and courageous/bold. Do not fear/be downhearted/tremble/be discouraged/be terrified. For I, the Lord your God will be with you where ever you go/with every step you take."

Can you be strong and not courageous?
Can you be courageous and weak?

Courage is defined as: The state or quality of mind or spirit that enables one to face danger, fear, or vicissitudes with self-possession, confidence, and resolution; bravery.

Strength is defined as : the state or quality of being strong; force; power; vigor; the power to resist strain, stress, etc.; toughness; durability; the power to resist attack; impregnability; legal, moral, or intellectual force or effectiveness

From the Strong's definitions of the original words used in Joshua 1:9,
Strong means: strengthen, prevail, harden, , be courageous, be firm, be resolute, be sore, to prevail, be caught fast, be secure, to press, be urgent, to grow stout, grow rigid, grow hard (bad sense), to be severe, be grievous, sustain, encourage, to make bold, encourage,
to make rigid, make hard, to support, to repair, hold up, sustain, support, to withstand

And courage means: be strong, alert, brave, stout, bold, solid, hard, to strengthen, secure (for oneself), harden (heart), make firm, make obstinate, assure, to be determined, to make oneself alert, confirm oneself, persist in, prove superior to, to exhibit strength, be strong, feel strong

Some folks say strength and courage are mutually exclusive - I don't know if I agree.

Accountability

Accountability:  

The obligation to demonstrate and take responsibility for performance in light of agreed expectations. There is a difference between responsibility and accountability: responsibility is the obligation to act; accountability is the obligation to answer for an action. 

In 'Christian' circles, you will often hear people talk about accountability partners or accountability groups.  I've been thinking about this the past couple of days.  I've never really had an accountability partner - yes, I have some friends who will kick me in the rear if really needed - but not a true accountability relationship.  I have also discovered (admitted?) that I am extremely good at hiding my true feelings and lying at times - mostly to myself.  To the harm of no one but myself.  

How does a person find an accountability partner when you really don't know anyone? How do you know who will be the right kind of person for you personally? Is it a two way street? How often do you meet/talk? 

Being new to the area and not really knowing anyone, I don't even know where to start.  I have reached out for friendships and have met walls.  I'm not going to reach out for this and be shut out yet again.  

So - until then - post your comments and let me know if I am on the right track or way off my rocker!

---pathy

I was talking to a friend and we were trying to figure out if a person could be both empathetic and apathetic.  Or would they simply be pathetic? So, being who I am, I decided to do a little research...

Empathy - The ability to identify with and understand somebody else's feelings or difficulties.
   em = put into

Apathy - Showing little or no emotion or animation;  Marked by a lack of interest;
   a = not

Pathetic - capable of feeling, to experience, suffer, So - can you be both empathetic AND apathetic?  Not about the same thing at the same time.  And it doesn't just make you pathetic because then you'd still have feelings.

Obedience

I was asked to talk today in church. If you know me, you know that I took a giant, eye closing, nose holding, leap out of my comfort zone.  And my pop-tart stayed with me despite having to talk not once, but twice.  Then Pastor asked for a copy of my talk.  1) I said something different in each service. 2) I had sketchy notes.  But I created something that met with husband's approval.  I'll post it at the end.  First - out of curiosity, I did a word search on Obedient ...

Definitions:

• the act of obeying 
• dutiful or submissive behavior with respect to another person
• the trait of being willing to obey
• behavior intended to please your parents [or God]
• dutifully complying with the commands or instructions of those in authority
• the virtue of entrusting oneself to proper authority 
• to follow, heed, comply with commands or injunctions within a sphere of jurisdiction.
• complying with or submissive to authority

Word Origins:

• Hebrew - shama - to hear, listen, obey
• Greek - hupakouo - to listen under, to obey [opposite = listen around, beside]
• Greek - peitho & peitharcheo - to persuade, convince [opposite = apeitheo - unconvinced, disobedient - apathetic?]
• Latin- oboedire - towards; oedire = "to hear" Meaning: "to hear or listen towards"

in the bible - Obey appears 69 times and obedience 16 times. God only repeats what he really wants us to get.  Think he wants us to obey???

Let's see how Jesus obeyed ... he is a pretty good role model.

Jesus' obedience was not...

• legalistic compliance with Law; keeping the rules 
• precise performance of a programmed plan; doing the dictates

Jesus exercised obedience through faith by...

• listening to God through trials, hardships, suffering
• continuing to listen to God unto death on a cross 

The result of his obedience allowed Him to take our death and invest His life in us. Christians are free to obey. We are not slaves to sin. We are most free when we obey. Free to be man as God intended.  

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Sacrifice does not always require obedience however obedience always requires sacrifice. We sacrifice the flesh every time we obey God. My challenge is to continue to try to grow closer to God by obeying Him. Listening to what He says never leads us wrong. 

--Mike Richardson 

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Sunday 2/21/2010

First off - I am not on council. I am not on the finance committee. And I am not a member of Spirit of Joy. Yet.  (We are working on that.)  I am just a gal trying to be obedient to God.  I recently shared this story with A. and she asked me to share it with the congregation.  (My initial response was, "No!"  God said, "Obey." So ... I did.) My husband and I moved to the area from DC last summer when he retired from the military.  We moved down here for my job in Wadesboro.  My paycheck is the one that pays childcare and other similar expenses.  In November, due to many circumstances, I quit my job.  Without another one to fall back on, but it was the right decision. In December I went on a few interviews and accepted an on-call/prn position.  About the time I was starting the new job, I felt a very strong pull to tithe 10% of all my income.  

This didn't seem too hard.  Until I didn't work for 3 solid weeks.  I had about $100 in the checking account and still had to write my tithe check AND pay daycare.  I knew which one was getting paid and decided I would work something out with daycare.  Scott and I talked.  He discovered that one of our accounts would not have penalty charges if we withdrew from it.  Daycare was covered.  Then I was called in to work a couple of days.  God is good.  

This entire experience is one of discipline.  I have been praying for God to help me learn how to be obedient to him.  Tithing is but one way he is asking me to be obedient.  Obedience is not easy. It is not logical.  It is not fun.  But the benefits of obedience are amazing!   If you are a parent, I am sure you have had the conversation where you told your child to do something, they asked, "Why?" and you responded, "Because I asked you to."  Because you need to obey.  Because I'm Mommy. Please.  Just obey.  Obedience is one way we can show our heavenly father that we love him and that we have faith in him to take care of is.  

I am reading the Bible in a Year and this was in today's reading ... Leviticus 18:4-5 "You must obey my laws and be careful to follow my decrees. I am the LORD your God. Keep my decrees and laws, for the man who obeys them will live by them. I am the Lord."

He loves us. More than we can ever imagine.  This is one way for us to show him how much we love him.

Suffering - what does it REALLY mean?

Definition: The bearing of pain, inconvenience, or loss; pain endured; distress, loss, or injury incurred; as, sufferings by pain or sorrow; sufferings by want or by wrongs. Being in pain or grief; having loss, injury, distress, etc.

Scripture references:

• Hebrews 2:9 But we see Jesus, who was made a little lower than the angels, now crowned with glory and honor because he suffered [endured, underwent, was afflicted] death, so that by the grace of God he might taste death for everyone. (gk = pathema)
• 1 Peter 2:19 For it is commendable if a man bears up under the pain of unjust suffering [passion, to be affected, endure] because he is conscious of God. (gk = pascho)
• Jude 1:7 In a similar way, Sodom and Gomorrah and the surrounding towns gave themselves up to sexual immorality and perversion. They serve as an example of those who suffer [sustain, undergo, endure with patience] the punishment of eternal fire. (gk = hupecho) 

Quotes:
To live is to suffer, to survive is to find some meaning in the suffering. - Friedrich Nietzsche
All the world is full of suffering. It is also full of overcoming. - Helen Keller
Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, ambition inspired, and success achieved. - Helen Keller

My Thoughts:  suffering is part of the journey.  it has to be endured whether i like it or not.  today it was suggested to stop the searching, wrestling, turmoil and just ask for grace to endure the suffering. it won't last.