God of My Bitter Hours

God of My Bitter Hours 

by Karl Rahner

You knelt in the Gethsemane garden

In the final hours before your death,

The sweat of bloody regret on your brow.

We, too, have our painful episodes

When the bitter taste of obvious defeat

Barricades any hope of comfort and release.

You join us in our bitter hours of struggle

When opposition, discontent, or lament

Block the corridors to our peacefulness.

You reassure us, “This, too, will pass.”

Once you have claimed [your true identity as a child of God] and settled in it, you can live in a world that gives you much joy as well as pain. You can receive the praise as well as the blame that comes to you as an opportunity for strengthening your basic identity, because the identity that makes you free is anchored beyond all human praise and blame. You belong to God, and it is as a child of God that you are sent into the world. ~ Henri Nouwen

Ukrainian Easter Eggs

Today I was invited to a friend's house to learn how to make Ukrainian Easter Eggs.  I was excited about this for a few reasons: 1. it would get me out of the house ... especially on the 3rd snow day in a row and 2. it would be a chance to spend time with someone I have been wanting to spend time with and get to know. and 3. it was a chance to learn a new craft ... I really enjoy being creative.

As we were making the eggs, I said a few times ... 'there's a story here.'  And there is.  A few times tears sprang to my eyes as I thought of the story that was there.

The Egg - to make these eggs, you have to start with an empty shell.  I didn't help with this part, but the thought of blowing out an egg ... forcing all the life out of the shell to make it empty so it could become something beautiful.  Sometimes it feels like God has to force the life that we know out of us to make us into something beautiful.  I was cautioned though, that oftentimes the shell will crack when trying to blow it clean. I that feeling ... We sometimes feel as if we have cracked and are useless.

The Decorating - decorating was a process of applying wax, dipping in dye, repeat several times then clean. This was the part where I saw a story ... we are the shells. God is the artist. He is applying the wax to create a design. It isn't easy to see. Sometimes the wax burns. But it is there ... being carefully applied in a unique design. We get dipped in a dye and covered in that color then carefully dried off. You can't see the design. You don't really see what is being created. Another set of designs is being created on top of the old. This one even harder to see. And dipped in another color of dye. All of the first color is hidden. This is repeated.  You can't see the design that has been created and all the colors are covered by the next color that is darker than the last.  The egg looks like a mess. Some wax marks. Random colors. No rhyme or reason. Not even very pretty. Like life often times ... no very pretty. no reason. a mess.

Then you take the egg with it's colors and wax and hold it over a flame for a few seconds and wipe off the wax.  As you continue holding it over the flame and cleaning off the wax, the colors appear. The yellows, oranges, blues become bright and vibrant. The white is fresh and clean. But you can't see this without the flame ... the heat ... the fire. And the friction.

We need the fire to cleanse us. To help see the beauty that lies beneath. To see the wonderful design created by God in the midst of the mess.

I was told that sometimes the eggs break. If it happens early on, you are sad and maybe a bit miffed. If it happens later when the design is set and you are excited about seeing the finished product, you are heartbroken. All that work for nothing. I wonder if that is how God sees us if we break his design.

Words from Paul ...

Philippians 1:23 - I desire to depart and be with Christ, which is better by far.

This verse has popped up several times over that past few weeks.  I haven't been looking for it - it has appeared in the text of books I am reading, podcasts I listen to, posts I have read.  

Here is more context: 

22 If I am to go on living in the body, this will mean fruitful labor for me. Yet what shall I choose? I do not know! 23 I am torn between the two: I desire to depart and be with Christ, which is better by far; 24 but it is more necessary for you that I remain in the body. 25 Convinced of this, I know that I will remain, and I will continue with all of you for your progress and joy in the faith, 26 so that through my being with you again your joy in Christ Jesus will overflow on account of me.

From a lesson written by John MacArthur:

"The phrase "I do not know" contains a Greek word Paul often used (gnorizo). Of the twenty-six times it occurs in the New Testament, eighteen of those occurrences are in Paul's writings. It means "to reveal" or "make known." Paul couldn't say what he would choose. ...  When faced with the most basic of life's issues--whether it would be better to live or die--his response was, "I would be thrilled to glorify Christ in heaven or on earth. Given the choice, I can't choose." Because glorifying Christ was Paul's motivation, where he glorified Christ was not the issue. ... Because Paul couldn't choose he wrote, "I am hard-pressed from both directions" (v. 23). "Hard-pressed" (Gk.,sunecho) speaks of being hemmed in on both sides. It pictures a traveler on a narrow path, a wall of rock on either side. He is unable to turn aside and able only to go straight ahead ... The Greek word translated "desire" (epithumia) is most often used of a sinful lust. But occasionally it expresses a strong unfulfilled desire for something right and good. Paul had a compelling but unfulfilled desire to "depart" (Gk., analusi), the same word used in 2 Timothy 4:6: "I am already being poured out as a drink offering, and the time of my departure is at hand" (emphasis added). He expressed the same idea in 2 Corinthians 5:8: "We are of good courage, I say, and prefer ... to be absent from the body and to be at home with the Lord." Unlike the desire of Greek philosophers for immortality of the soul in a vague sense, Paul's great desire was to be in personal, intimate, complete, unhindered, conscious fellowship with Christ. ... Consider what your heart and mind are set on. If they're set on the right things, you'll be content with the circumstances in which God has placed you."

Paul felt a necessity to remain - to help the church of Philippi, to help other believers, to walk alongside them in their relationship with Christ. He knew that the work he was doing was glorifying Christ.  

I don't understand. I want to go to heaven. What I am doing here is not glorifying God. I am not making a positive difference to anyone.  Paul wanted to go to heaven, but decided to do what God wanted.  

How do you have a heaven focus without being mired in the frustration of this earth? Another quote is "Aim for heaven and get earth thrown in. Aim for earth and get neither." (CS Lewis)  How???? Is it even possible??? 

'My King' Prayer

My King

By Dr. S.M. Lockridge

My King was born King.

The Bible says He's a Seven Way King.

He's the King of the Jews - that's a racial King.

He's the King of Israel - that's a National King.

He's the King of righteousness.

He's the King of the ages.

He's the King of Heaven.

He's the King of glory.

He's the King of kings and 

He is the Lord of lords.

Now that's my King.

Well I wonder if you know Him. 

Do you know Him? 

Don't try to mislead me. 

Do you know my King?

David said the Heavens declare the glory of God, 

and the firmament show His handiwork.

My King is the only one whom there are no means of measure can define His limitless love.

No far seeing telescope can bring into visibility the coastline of His shore of supplies.

No barriers can hinder Him from pouring out His blessing.

Well, well, He's enduringly strong.

He's entirely sincere.

He's eternally steadfast.

He's immortally graceful.

He's imperially powerful.

He's impartially merciful.

That's my King.

He's God's Son.

He's the sinner's saviour.

He's the centrepiece of civilization.

He stands alone in Himself.

He's honest.

He's unique.

He's unparalleled.

He's unprecedented.

He's supreme.

He's pre-eminent.

Well, He's the grandest idea in literature.

He's the highest personality in philosophy.

He's the supreme problem in high criticism.

He's the fundamental doctrine of proved theology.

He's the carnal necessity of spiritual religion.

That's my King.

He's the miracle of the age.

He's the superlative of everything good that you choose to call Him.

Well, He's the only one able to supply all of our needs simultaneously.

He supplies strength for the weak.

He's available for the tempted and the tried.

He sympathizes and He saves.

He's strong God and He guides.

He heals the sick.

He cleanses the lepers.

He forgives sinners.

He discharged debtors.

He delivers the captives.

He defends the feeble.

He blesses the young.

He serves the unfortunate.

He regards the aged.

He rewards the diligent and 

He beautifies the meek.

Do you know Him?

Well, my King is a King of knowledge.

He's the wellspring of wisdom.

He's the doorway of deliverance.

He's the pathway of peace.

He's the roadway of righteousness.

He's the highway of holiness.

He's the gateway of glory.

He's the master of the mighty.

He's the captain of the conquerors.

He's the head of the heroes.

He's the leader of the legislatures.

He's the overseer of the overcomers.

He's the governor of governors.

He's the prince of princes.

He's the King of kings and 

He's the Lord of lords.

That's my King. Yeah. Yeah.

That's my King. My King, yeah.

His office is manifold.

His promise is sure.

His light is matchless.

His goodness is limitless.

His mercy is everlasting.

His love never changes.

His Word is enough.

His grace is sufficient.

His reign is righteous.

His yoke is easy and 

His burden is light.

Well. I wish I could describe Him to you, 

but He's indescribable. 

He's indescribable.

Yes. He's incomprehensible.

He's invincible.

He's irresistible.

I'm coming to tell you, 

the heavens of heavens cannot contain Him, 

let alone a man explaining Him.

You can't get Him out of your mind.

You can't get Him off of your hands.

You can't outlive Him and you can't live without Him.

Well, Pharisees couldn't stand Him, 

but they found out they couldn't stop Him.

Pilot couldn't find any fault in Him.

The witnesses couldn't get their testimonies to agree.

Herod couldn't kill Him.

Death couldn't handle Him and 

the grave couldn't hold Him.

That's my King. Yeah.

He always has been and 

He always will be.

I'm talking about He had no predecessor and 

He'll have no successor.

There's nobody before Him and 

there'll be nobody after Him.

You can't impeach Him and

 He's not going to resign.

That's my King! That's my King!

Thine is the kingdom and 

the power and 

the glory.

Well, all the power belongs to my King.

We're around here talking about black power and 

white power and 

green power, but 

it's God's power.

Thine is the power. Yeah. 

And the glory.

We try to get prestige and honour and glory for ourselves, 

but the glory is all His.

Yes. Thine is the Kingdom and 

the power and 

glory, 

forever and ever and ever and ever. 

How long is that? 

And ever and ever and ever and ever. 

And when you get through with all of the evers, then,

Amen.

(but how do you really know and believe it is more than words?)

What's on your Christmas Wish List?

I received the following from a friend. It is so timely for me right now.  I have so much trouble trusting. waiting. hoping. believing. that God will take care of me.

-------------------

What's on your Christmas wish list?

Remember when you were a child, how you felt about the approach of Christmas? If you were raised in a Christian home, you associated the excitement of the season with Jesus' birthday. But a big part of Advent, for most of us, was focused on our Christmas wish lists. We spent a lot of time hoping to get everything we wanted.

Today as adults, we understand that we should focus more on the needs of others than on ourselves. However, before we put coal in our stockings as penance for selfishly making wish lists again, let's look at the psychological reasons for our greed.

There's nothing wrong with hoping for gifts. God wants us to be open to receive more than we actually have, because he is so very generous and has such great love for us. However, to desire materialistic gifts without wanting to share them with others is greed.

And greed is a reaction to unmet needs.

No parents, no friends, no spouses can ever give us all that we need. We wish they did, but we must place our hope in God. Only God can be all that we need for all that we need. But unless we turn to God and ask him to fill us – unless we rely first and foremost on him for everything – we will continue to have selfish desires.

God wants us to give him our Christmas “hope lists” and then trust him to take care of us in his perfect way, in his perfect time, in his perfect generosity.

In today's Gospel story, Jesus has just finished giving a three-day seminar. His message was so captivating that most people forgot to go home and eat.

Jesus understood their needs. He cared about them so much that he worked a miracle, taking what was insufficient and converting it into a generous heaping of more than what was necessary. Do you realize that Jesus wants to also give to you more than is necessary?

Today's first reading says, "The Lord of hosts will provide for all peoples." The responsorial Psalm says, "The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not lack anything."

Jesus understands your needs! Jesus cares about you! He can and wants to give you more than you need!

Why do we find this so hard to believe? Because first we have to turn to him and trust him rather than demand it from the people around us.

Jesus often provides for us through our own talents and through the people he has placed in our lives, just as he provided for the crowd on the mountainside using the fish and bread of the people, but we must let him decide the best way to take care of us. He really enjoys taking what is too little and multiplying it into too much.

Give God your wish list and let him do something surprising with it. Have no expectations of what he will do. Make no demands on him. Let him do it his way, and the results will be better than you could ever imagine!

by Terry A. Modica

If you love, you grieve.

Today was All Saint's Sunday ... a day where those who have gone to heaven before us are honored and remembered.  I walked into church already weepy due to a conversation I had with a friend about the upcoming holidays.  (I am dreading them! She is trying to encourage me. I am stubborn.)

The tears kept coming during the sermon ... a testimony about a miracle of healing and seeing not just the single set of footprints in the sand of God carrying them, but also all the 100's of footprints of those walking beside them on their journey.  God carried, yet they weren't alone.  Is that what I am been blind to? The other footprints of those who are walking beside me on this journey? Or am I truly alone? I just don't know.

Pastor made some points in his sermon that have struck me and I am still processing:

When we die to darkness, we can rise to light.
When we die to hatred, we can rise to love.

When we die to pride, we can rise to true purpose.

When we die to greed, we can rise to gratitude.

When we die to earthly treasures, we can rise to deeper faith, joyful community and a life of purpose to reaching more.

When we die to the things of earth, we can rise to hope. 

When we die to fear, we can rise to adventure. 

When we die to bitterness, we can rise to friendship.

When we die to sin, we can rise to true freedom. 

When we die to ourselves, we can rise to all these things.

Heaven is real. + Death is real. + Grief is real.

If you love, you grieve.

Heaven is real because love is real. 

Hope is real because grace is real.

Joy is real because forgiveness is real. 

Yes. I love. Yes. I grieve. Likely too much.  Grief can consume a person. It can overwhelm and blind to so many other things including hope and joy.  Grief isn't just about missing a loved one ... it can also be about changes - wanted or not.  Grief is often a lonely journey, but it doesn't need to be. Looking back at the footprints in the sand, many are surprised to realize that there are many, many more than one set.  

Walk Down This Mountain

It's a better place standing high upon this mountain

I've seen your face full of the light that only this height can show

A blistered hand is what you've given

But you've been given all you'll ever need to know

So walk down this mountain with your heart held high

Follow in the footsteps of your Maker

And with this love that's gone before you and these people at your side

If you offer up your broken cup

You will taste the meaning of this life

It's a common ground, and I see we're all still standing

Just look around and you'll find the very face of God

He's walking down into the distance

He's walking down to where the masses are

So walk down this mountain with your heart held high

Follow in the footsteps of your Maker

And with this love that's gone before you and these people at your side

If you offer up your broken cup

You will taste the meaning of this life

We're standing in a place of peace

But this is how the world should be 

Walk down this mountain with your heart held high

(Bebo Norman)

The Knots Prayer

Dear God:

Please untie the knots 

that are in my mind,

my heart and my life.

remove the have nots

the can nots and the do nots 

that I have in my mind.

Erase the will nots

mays nots,

might nots that may

find a home in my heart.

Release me from the could nots, 

would nots and should nots

that obstruct my life.

And most of all

Dear God, 

I ask that you remove from my mind,

my heart and my life, all of the 'am nots'

that I have allowed to hold me back,

especially the thought that 

I am not good enough.

Amen.

-Author Known to God

"The greatest thing you can do for somebody is presence. Simply being present with them. Especially if you can be present  physically. And I think a lot of people, their default response when someone is in pain is to just start talking.  But the larger issue is whether your willing to just sit with the person ... being willing to just sit as long as it takes.  And that's the greatest gift.  And grace. ... If you have somebody around you in great pain, you have to surrender your own agenda for them ... and enter in with pure unconditional, nonjudgemental love. ... We coast on the energy of others. Sometimes we need someone to help carry us because we're not all strong all of the time."

~Rob Bell

Silence is an indispensable discipline in the spiritual life. ...Silence is a very concrete, practical, and useful discipline in all ministerial tasks.  It can be a portable cell taken with us from the solitary place into the midst of  our ministry.  Silence is solitude practiced in action.  ~~Henri Nouwen, The Way of the Heart

We need someone who encourages us when we are tempted to give it all up, to forget it all, to just walk away in despair. We need someone who discourages us when we move too rashly in unclear directions or hurry proudly to a nebulous goal. We need someone who can suggest to us when to read and when to be silent, which words to reflect upon and what to do when silence creates much fear and little peace. ~~ Henri Nouwen, Reaching Out

Looking for God

I recently went on a girls weekend with one of my closest and oldest (longest) friends to Jamaica.  It is such a country of contrasts.  We stayed at a resort surrounded by tall iron fences.  People would come sell their wares on small boats and rafts just on the other side of the ocean boundary.  On the way to and from Montego Bay (or MoBay) we passed neighborhoods with amazing columns, archways, ornamental accents but no windows or doors.  We were informed that this was the ghetto.  Kids here rarely went to school. They couldn't afford it. They had babies at a young age. The babies grew up and turned to crime and the cycle continued.  This was according to our driver when he took us out to eat at a place where tourists don't go (my tongue burned for hours from the jerk pork!)

Afterwards, at the request of my friend, we went to a 'local hangout' - we were the only light skinned folks there.  People were grilling jerk, roasting peanuts, selling beer, rum, sodas, pot, themselves ... My friend had met a 'friend' who worked at the resort and went with us the Dead End.  It was truly a dead end street with a sea wall.  We sat on the seawall and our driver proceeded to get stoned out of his gourd and my friend was 'getting to know' her new friend.  I was basically stuck. Sitting on a seawall near the ghettos of MoBay with nothing to do.  And - yes - I was a bit scared.  The evil was almost tangible.

I started to repeat Joshua 1:9 "Do not be afraid. Be strong and courageous. For I, the Lord your God, will be with you where ever you may go."  Over and over and over.  And the fear left - mostly. Then I asked God to show me where he was. If he was there, show me.   

That was when I noticed a little girl about 2 years old playing on the sidewalk. She was wearing a yellow shirt and yellow hair doodads.  And laughing. Such sweet innocence.  God was there in that little girl. Hope and innocence amid the evil and desperation. 

A bit later I noticed a couple arguing.  The man looked furious. The woman's expression was anger with a tinge of fear.  I didn't understand a word they were saying, but the situation didn't look good.  I was getting scared for the woman when another man came over - shouted some things at Mr. Angry to make him leave. The woman then collapsed on his shoulder in tears. God was there. Protecting her for that moment. 

That was a true change for me. A true turning point.  Knowing God was there - not wondering IF he was. Asking him to show himself to me ... not asking him later where he was.  Trusting that he was there, I only needed the veil drawn back to truly see him.  When we actively are looking for God - we tend to see him. Amazing how that works!!

"To be a Christian is to live dangerously, honestly, freely --

to step in the name of love as if you may land on nothing, yet

to keep stepping because the something that sustains you no

empire can give you and no empire can take away." 

- Cornel West

Flood

Pastor shared a story and I will not do it justice ...

There was a town with a flood pending.  One of the gentlemen decided to stay in his house. As the water was reaching his steps, some folks came by in a small boat to offer him an escape.

"No thank you. I am waiting on God to come save me."

The waters continued rising.  As the bottom floor was covered, a larger boat came by and offered him a ride.

"No thank you. I am waiting on God to come save me."

As the waters continued to rise, the man climbed onto his roof. A helicopter came by to rescue him. Again the man said,

"No thank you. I am waiting for God to come save me."

The man eventually drowned and was before God.  He asked God why he never showed up to rescue him  God replied, "I sent you 2 boats and a helicopter. What more did you want?"

--------------------------
I am as guilty as this man of not seeing what is right before me.  Of not accepting what God is offering.  What about you?

Prayers from St. Patrick

Prayer for the Faithful 

May the Strength of God guide us.
May the Power of God preserve us.
May the Wisdom of God instruct us.
May the Hand of God protect us.
May the Way of God direct us.
May the Shield of God defend us.
May the Angels of God guard us.
- Against the snares of the evil one.
May Christ be with us!
May Christ be before us!
May Christ be in us,
Christ be over all!
May Thy Grace, Lord,
Always be ours,
This day, O Lord, and forevermore. Amen.

St. Patrick's Breastplate

I arise today
Through a mighty strength, the invocation of the Trinity,
Through the belief in the threeness,
Through the confession of the oneness
Of the Creator of Creation.

I arise today
Through the strength of Christ's birth with his baptism,
Through the strength of his crucifixion with his burial,
Through the strength of his resurrection with his ascension,
Through the strength of his descent for the Judgment Day.

I arise today
Through the strength of the love of Cherubim,
In obedience of angels,
In the service of archangels,
In hope of resurrection to meet with reward,
In prayers of patriarchs,
In predictions of prophets,
In preaching of apostles,
In faith of confessors,
In innocence of holy virgins,
In deeds of righteous men.

I arise today
Through the strength of heaven:
Light of sun,
Radiance of moon,
Splendor of fire,
Speed of lightning,
Swiftness of wind,
Depth of sea,
Stability of earth,
Firmness of rock.

I arise today
Through God's strength to pilot me:
God's might to uphold me,
God's wisdom to guide me,
God's eye to look before me,
God's ear to hear me,
God's word to speak for me,
God's hand to guard me,
God's way to lie before me,
God's shield to protect me,
God's host to save me
From snares of demons,
From temptations of vices,
From everyone who shall wish me ill,
Afar and anear,
Alone and in multitude.

I summon today all these powers between me and those evils,
Against every cruel merciless power that may oppose my body and soul,
Against incantations of false prophets,
Against black laws of pagandom
Against false laws of heretics,
Against craft of idolatry,
Against spells of witches and smiths and wizards,
Against every knowledge that corrupts man's body and soul.

Christ to shield me today
Against poison, against burning,
Against drowning, against wounding,
So that there may come to me abundance of reward.
Christ with me, Christ before me, Christ behind me,
Christ in me, Christ beneath me, Christ above me,
Christ on my right, Christ on my left,
Christ when I lie down, Christ when I sit down, Christ when I arise,
Christ in the heart of every man who thinks of me,
Christ in the mouth of everyone who speaks of me,
Christ in every eye that sees me,
Christ in every ear that hears me.

I arise today
Through a mighty strength, the invocation of the Trinity,
Through belief in the threeness,
Through confession of the oneness,

Of the Creator of Creation.

Quote

I don't buy everything I read. 

I haven't even read everything I've bought.
--Barenaked Ladies

I'm fine ... really ...

Of course, I was told tonight that fine really means:

• Frantic, frazzled, frustrated, fragile,
• Insecure, illogical, irate, imperfect
• Neurotic, needy, numb, nervous,
• Exhausted, empty, emotional, exacerbated

So yes, I am fine. Really.

Life Shapes - triangle

(from sermon notes, 5/29/2005, Pastor KM)

picture a triangle ... on the left corner it says, "in," on the right corner "out" and on the up point "up"

• In - directed to believers. John 13:35 "By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another."  
• Out - reaching others.  Matthew 9:35 "Then Jesus made a circuit of all the towns and villages. He taught in their meeting places, reported kingdom news, and healed their diseased bodies, healed their bruised and hurt lives."
• Up - at the pinnacle of life, important to have a relationship with Jesus. Luke 6:12 "One of those days Jesus went out to a mountainside to pray, and spent the night praying to God."

Another verse that describes the tenets of the triangle is Micah 6:8 "He has showed you, O man, what is good. And what does the LORD require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God."   The Bible is perfectly balanced.  Out=Act Justly, In=Love Mercy, Up=Walk Humbly with God.  

Walking humbly with God.  Looking up. Reaching upward. It is integral to everything we do.  

Life Shapes - semi-circle

(notes from sermon 5/15/2005 at CO church by Pastor KM)

Mark 6:31 Then, because so many people were coming and going that they [the disciples] did not even have a chance to eat, he [Jesus] said to them, "Come with me by yourselves to a quiet place and get some rest." 


I drew my semi-circle upside down.  Now that I am re-looking at it 5 years later, I realize it is supposed to be on the bottom so it can rock, not on the flat so it is a hill.  The Semi-Circle stands for Living in Rhythm.  Commonsense doesn't lead us to a life of rhythm. but then again, when did Jesus make sense?  

-Is it possible that self absorption with bringing rhythm to our lives disrupts rhythm?

-Giving away life brings rhythm.  ... we need to Live at the Speed of Grace.

This rhythm includes 2 important factors...work and rest.  We need equal amounts of both.  Too often we focus on the work.  To get the semi-circle to balance, we need to rest as well.  We are not a society that rests well. We go and do and work and create excuses to not rest.  We have so many distractions. So much noise.  I see it as, if we don't keep the semi-circle balanced, we're gonna slide off in exhaustion and be in worse trouble that before.

Names of God