Sucker Punched

I thought the sleeping issues were gone.  Over and done with.  In the past.  Nope.  I was in bed and watching the clock.  1:29. 2:59. 3:36. 4:07. 6:00. My pillow wet with tears.  The pain was back like it was 2 weeks ago. It just didn't drag along the anger with it.  The pain was so intense last night. I felt like I had been sucker punched in the stomach.  I think I would have preferred the punch.  I am still tender today. I am still seeking a way to translate this emotional pain into something physical.  Something safe.  I have some ideas - when I decide, I'll let you know. 

I asked God last night why the return of the intense pain?  I got no answers - instead I had very strange dreams with my arms bleeding but it didn't hurt. bones breaking, but no pain.  only the internal pain.  Maybe his way of telling me there is no greater pain.  I don't know.  Thankfully I wasn't called in to work to day.  But that may have been a blessing - a blessed distraction from my mind and heart.