Job 1:1-3:26
Job. He had it all!!! Wouldn't you like to be called blameless and upright? Fearing God and shunning evil?? How did he do it with 10(!) children??? He cared so much for his children he regularly offered sacrifices to help purify them. Isn't this like God sending christ to help purify us? Only he doesn't have to do it over and over. Pretty cool.
Then - Satan challenges God. Take away your protection and we'll see how trusting and fearful he is of you. How terrifying. What if God removed his hand from us? There have been times where I have felt like he had. But using my 20/20 hindsight, realize that he was there the entire time. Poor Job. He has no idea what is about to hit him!
but his strength is amazing!!! He learns that everything he had was destroyed. his children are dead and he still praises that name of the Lord. That is a very hard thing to do. After Luke died, I wasn't angry at God, didn't blame him, but certainly couldn't praise him. It was months before I could sing a praise song in church. Tearing my clothes, shaving my head, falling down - all those I could have done.
Job 2:10 - something we'd do very well to remember. Shall we accept good from God, but not trouble/evil/adversity? However, the evil didn't really come from God. Yes, God permitted it, but it was the work of Satan. Why was he trying to show off???
An oh - to have friends who will just sit with you. No talking. Just a comforting presence.
3:26 "I have no peace, no quietness; I have no rest, but only turmoil." Glad to know I am not the only one who has felt like this....
Then - Satan challenges God. Take away your protection and we'll see how trusting and fearful he is of you. How terrifying. What if God removed his hand from us? There have been times where I have felt like he had. But using my 20/20 hindsight, realize that he was there the entire time. Poor Job. He has no idea what is about to hit him!
but his strength is amazing!!! He learns that everything he had was destroyed. his children are dead and he still praises that name of the Lord. That is a very hard thing to do. After Luke died, I wasn't angry at God, didn't blame him, but certainly couldn't praise him. It was months before I could sing a praise song in church. Tearing my clothes, shaving my head, falling down - all those I could have done.
Job 2:10 - something we'd do very well to remember. Shall we accept good from God, but not trouble/evil/adversity? However, the evil didn't really come from God. Yes, God permitted it, but it was the work of Satan. Why was he trying to show off???
An oh - to have friends who will just sit with you. No talking. Just a comforting presence.
3:26 "I have no peace, no quietness; I have no rest, but only turmoil." Glad to know I am not the only one who has felt like this....
Labels: scripture thoughts
posted by Chris K at
01:05
1 Comments:
I'm crying with you as I read this entry. "Held" gets me every time. My family is used to watching me put on sunglasses whenever it comes on the radio. I manage to hold myself together until the chorus, when she sings "and you survive." I think there needs to be a little more music between that line and the next. Rarely does surviving the unthinkable and feeling loved and held come that close together.
Since we're being honest here, I spent 10 years being angry with God for letting me survive being raped and abused. It would have been much easier to have NOT survived. I thought if God truly loved me, He wouldn't make me exist in a living hell. I had no one but God, yet I wondered if He was really on my side. I begged Him to let me die.
I can't imagine losing a child. I don't even want to try. I would lay down my life for my children in a heartbeat--willingly, maybe even gladly. Is there guilt and anger for being the one who survived? That I can imagine.
So what changed my life? Forgiveness. If you think that's a short simple answer, then think again. Coming to the point where I was able to forgive was a long, raw, incredibly painful--10 years of painful. I don't mean that you decide that everyhing is ok. Being raped, abused, losing a child is never ok. It never becomes ok. It does get to the point that you wouldn't undo it...but sometimes even that is a like teetering on a rail. Forgiveness means letting go. OK, so technically the root of the word meas to "take away," but how can we let God take away our pain if we keep holding onto it? Forgiveness was/is terrifying. When I let go of my fear, my hatred, my resentment, my anger, I fell. Only then did I learn what it felt like to be held and loved.
Thanks for doing this Chris. I know you're on a tough journey right now, but I know you well enough to know that you will get there. My prayer is that by being open and honest about your journey, you might arrive at your destination with some company...people who may not have made it otherwise.
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