Stepping back into the Comfort Zone

I like my comfort zone.  It's familiar. predictable. ... comfortable.  There is a reason it's called a comfort zone.  I have reached out of mine.  It wasn't easy. It wasn't comfortable.  It took more effort than I'd like to admit.  And more vulnerability than I am 'comfortable' with.  I reached out to people. Wanted to start forming relationships. friendships.  I need local friends.  Who will keep me accountable. responsible. sane. 

But

We live in a time where busyness rules our lives.  We are all guilty of it.  I stepped out of my comfort zone and ran smack dab into the middle of everyone's busyness.  People are established in relationships, routines, life.  Being the new kid on the block, I am ... not.  I am trying to create new relationships, routines. A new life. 

So

I have decided to step back into my soft flannel lined comfort zone.  Maybe God wants me to focus on Him more - not reach out to others.  I don't know.  I will still try to create new routines ... more bible study. more listening to God. more housecleaning. ok maybe not the last one.  But new relationships may have to wait for God to send them to me.  This whole honesty/transparency thing is wearying.  The grief journey is wearying.  But it is a journey I am realizing, reluctantly, that I have to take alone. 

And I have decided to at least be comfortable on the journey - not first class, have everything given to you comfortable, but not stepping out into the unknown. but just sticking with the familiar

... at least until God has other plans and drags me along kicking and screaming ...