Know God - day 5

[yes - this is the second post in a day, but I am actually a day behind and since it is only 9:30pm and not midnight or later, I have decided to catch up and sleep later.]
Genesis 37, 41, 50

ok - this is the first time that it connected that Joseph's father Jacob is THE Jacob - of the ladder and all. What did I learn in Sunday School???

and Reuben, not just a great sandwich, but also a good big brother. He saved Joseph's life. who wouldn't want a protective older brother? (as long as he didn't agree to sell you into slavery!)

Introduction:
1. How does God speak? in these passages, through dreams
2. How does God act? by sometimes redeeming human situations. he gave us free will and then he has to straighten up behind us.

What is he saying to us??
that he can use anything - even dreams - to communicate with us
Pastor suggests writing down your dreams. I had to laugh. If you are a morning person, you wouldn't laugh. The thought of being able to process enough to hold a pen much less write before brushing my teeth and taking a shower is not in my abilities.

However, i have tried this. and failed. something about coordination, etc. Ironically, I was reading an article today about therapists who deal mainly with dream interpretation for therapy. They suggested to write or draw or try to describe the images, emotions, dialogues, etc associated with the dream.

I have had some doozies of dreams. I have woken up crying, confused, laughing, screaming, mad...sometimes i recall the dream, more often than not I don't. I dream in full color with sounds and all. too bad dreams can't be dvr'd.

[reminds me i need to find my book 'The Artist's Way' and try that again. maybe]

Jacob's dream foretold his brother's bowing down to him. Telling them about that dream is part of what got him in trouble in the first place. Then they ultimately had to bow down to him to get food for survival.

Pastor asks in what ways to we need to humble ourselves and bow down? He then offers a hint: bow to god. humble yourself before our Lord. Another song comes to mind...a favorite worship song of mine - especially with the echoes:
Humble thyself in the sight of the Lord.
And He
Shall Lift
You up
Higher and higher
And He
shall lift
you up.


And the dreams of skinny cows eating fat cows and wasted wheat consuming full wheat. [image from veggietales Ballad of Little Joe are now in my head. thanks Pastor!]

Hmmm....let's see...God is telling us that there will be times of plenty and lean times. That we need to store up in the times of plenty to prepare for the lean times. not just financially. but how do you store up emotionally for the tough times? how do you prepare for the times when your feet are knocked out from under you? when you are alone and in the desert. when you hunger and thirst for God? where are the storehouses then?

Pastor then quotes ecclesiates 3:2-7 or you could just sing Turn, Turn Turn if you'd like (to every season turn, turn, turn, there is a reason...) and he asks (the man asks a lot of questions - almost as many as I do!) what principles do we need most in our lives today and why. Hmmm...

time to plant - i have done enough uprooting with the almost constant moving [8 states since 1992]
time to heal - my heart.
time to kill - my stubbornness, unforgiveness, past...
time to tear down my walls
time to build up my strength
time to weep instead of holding it in.
time to laugh again
time to dance - when i am finished mourning. if ever.
time to scatter stones and a time to gather them - not certain i understand this one too much. opinions?
time to embrace - scary. means you have to be vulnerable and get close to someone.
time to search and a time to give up - search for hydration and nourishment, try to give up in the worry, fear, etc.
time to keep and a time to throw away - figuratively or literally???? I will admit to being a packrat, piler, and collector of stuff. both literally and figuratively.
time to tear and a time to mend. I can't sew.
time to be silent and a time to speak. to figure out when to do which. i am often silent when i should speak and speak when my mouth should remain closed to gather no foot.
time to love and a time to hate. there is god telling us we will hate. there will be a season of it. how long does it last? hate it is so much more consuming than love. but harder to let go of.
time for war and a time for peace. battling god? resting in god? a little of both?

Final question from Pastor-what harmful, painful, tragic, sinful thing has the world tried to work in your life that God has nevertheless redeemed and enriched you through?

dang it! I thought I was going to be able to sleep tonight. maybe this is why devos are best done in the morning so you have all day to mull over what you learn versus trying to calm your brain to sleep and it is going 90 to nothing until 3am. I don't see the redemption or enrichment. maybe i am too cynical. or blind. or weary.

I would love to be able to escape for a retreat. Not a hotel. Someplace I can walk and scream and cry and talk to god, but be silent when needed without feeling as if I was holding back, but silent for listening to god. so i can begin to learn how i have been redeemed and enriched.

yes. my life has had harmful, painful, tragic, sinful things. a family that didn't attend church or rely on god, suicide attempt at 15, practically living with a guy at 19 (he was 28 and I almost failed out of college), blacking out from drinking too much (on more than one occasion) and not knowing what happened - but hearing stories later, rape at 19 that I kept pretty silent, losing a child, eating disorder,

but there have been wonderful, healing, glorious and holy things as well. the purple bus that picked me up every sunday to take me to church where i grew spiritually, two grandmothers who prayed for me every single day (and I miss dearly), waking up my parents so i didn't die when i was 15, breaking up with B and refocusing at school, not getting pregnant or a disease from the rape, gaining two other amazing children who would not be in this family if Lucas had lived (but NEVER ask me what I would choose if I had to!),

maybe i have been more redeemed and enriched than i thought...maybe i can 'sleep fast' tonight...maybe God has been speaking to me. just maybe.

(yes - i did finish at 1110 - almost 2 hours.)