Reluctance

I am making changes. Slowly. Reluctantly. Slowly (Did I mention that already?)  I have been reading and learning and ... avoiding processing.  I am scared of the changes.  They are out of my comfort zone as most changes are. They will change who I am. How I am defined. How I view life. How I act and react.  I am terrified.  (a step or two up from scared, I think.) 

I am learning things about myself that are hard to accept. hard to handle. hard to process. And what I thought was 'normal' isn't.   What is normal? What is healthy?

Reluctantly what I knew to be true is being stripped away - leaving my heart and soul naked and very vulnerable.  The tears of ones of grief. of sorrow. of pain. of fear. 

And somewhere in all this is God. Waiting for me. Watching. Reluctantly letting me make my own way on this journey.