What is going on?

I have had a few ask me that. And I few who have stopped just short of it.  Honestly - I don't know.  What do I know?

• I have been taking my 'happy' pills, although I haven't been exactly happy.
• I am still lonely. constantly. painfully.
• God is good. He is faithful. He is with me.
• I am still scared, confused, and struggling.
• I have been contemplating some decisions that I know are not wise, but they have also been haunting me and on my mind constantly.  
• Something still needs to change.
• I am tired of 'talking' - in groups. to counselors. tired. The healing that was happening has come to a stall. maybe I need a break from it all. maybe I need to attack things harder. I don't know.

That is what I know right now. That is what is going on. See? Nothing has really changed much in the past few months. Fake it 'til ya make it is getting tiresome and too fake.