Signs, itchy fingers, and answered prayer

i feel like i have words in me itching to get out.  they will just start flowing and escaping from my fingertips if i don't capture them soon.  i have been wanting to write and write and write all day and have resisted.  Now it is 2am and I am giving in for a few more minutes.  my intense anger is gone.  now i want to write and write and write....I grabbed a napkin at panera today and wrote all over it. then spilled soup on it and threw it away.  [good thing it wasn't my computer!]

I am a skeptic when it comes to 'signs.'  Are people creating something out of nothing and calling it a sign? is it from God truly? is it really a sign???? or a mirage?  I tend to ignore possible signs and need to be smacked over the head with a 2x4 - multiple times.  Did I mention I had a stubborn streak??

However,

There is one sign I have been acutely aware of...bluebirds.  As a sign of comfort from God.  I have only seen them a handful of times and only since Luke died.  and only at very specific times.

• When I went to the cabin to 'run away' 6 weeks after Luke died.  I saw a bluebird multiple times when I was in the swing just existing.  Numb. grieved. painfully alive. Didn't think too much of it then.
• June 12, 2004 - Luke's burial at the cabin. a difficult day. Another sighting.  
• Walking through Florrisent NP in Colorado - was able to capture one on film...just before we left CO to move back east.
• Subsequent visits to the cabin - I have had at least one sighting.

This is about when I really started to make a connection between my sorrow and a bluebird sighting.  Seemed like God was saying, "He's here. He's ok. You'll see him again."

• This past Christmas at the cabin - a bluebird fluttered down under the steps in front of the picture window.  It took my breath away - literally.  Then flew off.  
• This week, after raging at God in the outdoor sanctuary, I was sitting in my car trying to decide if I was ok to drive home.  A bluebird appeared at the head of the path.  I followed it a little to make certain I wasn't seeing things.  Nope - it was a bluebird.  

God providing visual comfort in times of sorrow and grief.  Something I had been asking for.  He is here! He does care! I will survive this time of mourning and itchy fingers.