Not Abandoned on this Amazing Journey

Today was much better - spiritually that is.  Physically, I'm exhausted.  In this journey, I have been seeing the fingerprints of God and discovering that he did not leave me abandoned as it felt so many years ago.

I went through sympathy cards and found many from COMPLETE strangers!  Friends of friends... just to say they were praying... to share their stories...  Today Pastor E listened with me to the tape of the memorial service. I had forgotten just how many people participated.  How surrounded with love we were - and still are.    Yesterday I was raging at God. Today I am surprised by his amazing grace.  My eyes are being opened. I am no longer numb. The thick dragon skin is being peeled away...just hope there aren't too many more layers.  Pastor E. tells me he is treating this journey as if Lucas just died.  He tells me my pain is so raw and my grief so intense, that it may as well be new...and that I can now grieve like I was unable to before.

Another dear friend and I figured that this was the first time since Luke died that I have been still and listening to God.  I usually keep very busy...this time I have slowed down. and been intentional about studying the bible with the daily reading and the Know God study.

But God is good.  VERY GOOD.

He let us start settling in a church filled with caring and compassionate people as he was allowing my grief to wash over me like a tidal wave.  He gave me a place to cry, scream, pray, worship, listen - safely.  Now God is showing me that I wasn't alone the first time and I will not be alone this time.

Pastor K quoted me in the service (I have absolutely NO recollection of saying this!)

"It is an amazing journey."  Yes - it is.  Not easy, not short. not pain free. not alone.  But amazing. and by no means finished yet.