Monday, March 08, 2010

slipping

A wise person illustrated the journey I am on like a hole and I am climbing up the side to get back out.  There will be other holes and difficult times, but none quit so deep as the first.  I have been climbing and working to get out ... but feel like I am slipping.  I feel as if I am slipping  and sliding on shale.  Every time I take a step, my foot slips.  There are no hand holds and any second now I will be free falling or tumbling down the side to lay in a heap at the bottom again. 
It is a lonely climb.  I don't see the top.  There are no ledges to rest on and I am tired.  If I quit trying to gain a foothold or a handhold, I know for certain I will fall, but I don't know if there is enough strength in me to continue trying. 

Everything is an effort.  Being around people is draining.  Will I have another panic attack? Will something trigger more tears?  Will cynicism spew from my mouth and drive any tenuous friendships that are just starting away? 

The two loneliest places are home and church.  They should be the shelters. The comfort zones. 

This week I am working everyday and while being busy is good for keeping the mind occupied, it increases my guilt for not completing other things on my to do list.  It decreases my patience with my family. It decreases my time to work on my bible study. 

Please pray for footholds, handholds and ledges.  I need strength to carry on. 

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1 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Look for the rope. You don't have to climb out of the hole on your own. It may not be easy to find--in fact, you may have to believe it's there to be able to see it (kinda like Irene's thread in the Princess and the Goblin).

I love you!

Laurie

Mar 9, 2010, 10:42:00 AM  

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