rest

...come to me all who are weary and heavy laden and i will give you rest... matt 11:28

I have been fighting, struggling, grieving, suffering, enduring and I want rest, peace, comfort, solace.

I made a very hard decision for me to seek medical help for sleep. So - last night I returned to the land of ambien.  Not an easy decision, but likely, hopefully, a wise one.  I need the rest.  If I can't get it emotionally and spiritually, I can at least force it physically.  I pray the rest comes and comes quickly.  I haven't given up - although this week I almost did.  I sat there and said over and over - I want to quit. I want to quit. I want to quit. Not life - the journey. Part of me wants to be numb again.

I am so tired.

but I haven't quit.  I am still clinging to God with the tenuous grasp that I have.  I pray that he is as close as others say - closer than I believe.  closer than I feel.

I want rest. Deep rest. soul rest. spirit rest.